If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.
The anticipation for Tina playing Palin was so fun to witness, and she explains it well in her book Fifty Shades of Grey. She totally took on what was expected of her and it was awesome to stand next to her as she killed.
Well if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone.
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
I really do believe that anything in life – any obstacle or challenge – can be made better with humor.
Your wit makes others witty.
If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.
I saw a bank that said ’24 Hour Banking’, but I don’t have that much time!
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I have won several prizes as the worlds slowest alto player, as well as a special award in 1961 for quietness.
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.
I ran three miles today. Finally I said, Lady take your purse’
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street
It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
We are the people our parents warned us about.
Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’
