Robert M. Pirsig

Even in the presence of others he was completely alone.

The truth knocks on the door and you say, Go away, I’m looking for the truth, and so it goes away. Puzzling.

When one person suffers from a delusion It is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion It is called Religion.

It is a puzzling thing. The truth knocks on the door and you say, ‘Go away, I’m looking for the truth.’ and so it goes away. Puzzling.

I remember Tina Fey wrote a play about Catherine the Great f**king a horse and I thought, ‘That lady is hot stuff, I wanna know her.’

You know, as a comedian your body has to be – I need to think of a better term than ‘up for grabs’ – but you kind of use whatever you have to get the laugh. And if you’re worrying about how you look… Vanity is the death of comedy.

The anticipation for Tina playing Palin was so fun to witness, and she explains it well in her book Fifty Shades of Grey. She totally took on what was expected of her and it was awesome to stand next to her as she killed.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

No one looks stupid when they’re having fun!

I really do believe that anything in life – any obstacle or challenge – can be made better with humor.

It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

So I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m turning into my mother.

Communism must be like one big phone company.

[at the 2013 Golden Globe Awards] Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu and I hear she’s amazing in it.

We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.