I tried practicing for a few weeks and ended up playing too fast.
[on Tina Fey] I like to say our relationship is as old as Lourdes Ciccone
Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
I don’t mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don’t understand.
I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’
It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
I really do believe that anything in life – any obstacle or challenge – can be made better with humor.
The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
So I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m turning into my mother.
Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street
No one looks stupid when they’re having fun!
We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.
I ran three miles today. Finally I said, Lady take your purse’
We are the people our parents warned us about.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.
If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
I saw a bank that said ’24 Hour Banking’, but I don’t have that much time!
