Amy Poehler

I did not breeze in there thinking: ‘I’m going to nail this.’ My heart rate was not low when I was doing the Golden Globes. I wanted to do well. It’s very bizarre to be in a room where everybody in your audience is famous. But also: it’s an awards show!

Be yourself. No one else can be you.

No one looks stupid when they’re having fun!

[at the 2013 Golden Globe Awards] Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu and I hear she’s amazing in it.

You know, it sounds like I’m bragging in some way, but as far as career stuff, there’s not that much stuff that scares me. I know what I can do well.

Women talk about stuff on the way to the valet that it takes men 10 years to admit to each other. The depth at which women talk to and about each other is invaluable to me. With your really, really close good friends you do that fast.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’

I saw a bank that said ’24 Hour Banking’, but I don’t have that much time!

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

So I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m turning into my mother.

I have won several prizes as the world’s slowest alto player, as well as a special award in 1961 for quietness.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

The anticipation for Tina playing Palin was so fun to witness, and she explains it well in her book Fifty Shades of Grey. She totally took on what was expected of her and it was awesome to stand next to her as she killed.

The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

Well if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

Communism must be like one big phone company.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

I tried practicing for a few weeks and ended up playing too fast.