Sarah Silverman

We don’t get what we want, we get what we think we deserve… ask for more.

[at the 2013 Golden Globe Awards] Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu and I hear she’s amazing in it.

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

No one looks stupid when they’re having fun!

I saw a bank that said ’24 Hour Banking’, but I don’t have that much time!

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

[on Tina Fey] I like to say our relationship is as old as Lourdes Ciccone

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

You know, as a comedian your body has to be – I need to think of a better term than ‘up for grabs’ – but you kind of use whatever you have to get the laugh. And if you’re worrying about how you look… Vanity is the death of comedy.

It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

Well if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The anticipation for Tina playing Palin was so fun to witness, and she explains it well in her book Fifty Shades of Grey. She totally took on what was expected of her and it was awesome to stand next to her as she killed.

I remember Tina Fey wrote a play about Catherine the Great f**king a horse and I thought, ‘That lady is hot stuff, I wanna know her.’

I don’t mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don’t understand.