Charles Dickens

It is because I think so much of warm and sensitive hearts, that I would spare them from being wounded.

Grief never mended no broken bones.

It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.

O ’tis love, ’tis love, ’tis love that makes the world go round!

Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before–more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.

Cheerfulness and contentment are great beautifiers, and are famous preservers of good looks.

Your wit makes others witty.

I ran three miles today. Finally I said, ‘Lady take your purse’

I really do believe that anything in life – any obstacle or challenge – can be made better with humor.

The anticipation for Tina playing Palin was so fun to witness, and she explains it well in her book Fifty Shades of Grey. She totally took on what was expected of her and it was awesome to stand next to her as she killed.

I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street

Well if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

I don’t mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don’t understand.

So I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m turning into my mother.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

You know, as a comedian your body has to be – I need to think of a better term than ‘up for grabs’ – but you kind of use whatever you have to get the laugh. And if you’re worrying about how you look… Vanity is the death of comedy.

The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.

I saw a bank that said ’24 Hour Banking’, but I don’t have that much time!