Charles Dickens

[Credit is a system whereby] a person who can’t pay, gets another person who can’t pay, to guarantee that he can pay.

The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again.

A day wasted on others is not wasted on one’s self.

Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.

Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.

Grief never mended no broken bones.

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

The anticipation for Tina playing Palin was so fun to witness, and she explains it well in her book Fifty Shades of Grey. She totally took on what was expected of her and it was awesome to stand next to her as she killed.

The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.

I really do believe that anything in life – any obstacle or challenge – can be made better with humor.

I have won several prizes as the world’s slowest alto player, as well as a special award in 1961 for quietness.

You know, as a comedian your body has to be – I need to think of a better term than ‘up for grabs’ – but you kind of use whatever you have to get the laugh. And if you’re worrying about how you look… Vanity is the death of comedy.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.

I saw a bank that said ’24 Hour Banking’, but I don’t have that much time!

[on Tina Fey] I like to say our relationship is as old as Lourdes Ciccone

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

No one looks stupid when they’re having fun!

I tried practicing for a few weeks and ended up playing too fast.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!