Amy Poehler

[on Tina Fey] I like to say our relationship is as old as Lourdes Ciccone

[on her mother] she’s a very smart, independent woman who was kind of coming into her own in the feminist movement of the 70s and 80s

The streets and woods around my house were a perfect setting for fake mischief. I would spend all afternoon pretending I had run away and had to live on my own. I would bring Toll House cookies and a sweatshirt and try to make a fire. I would sneak out side my house at dusk with a pair binoculars and search the streets for murderers. I created scenarios in my head that I always managed to escape from kidnap fantasies where I would wriggle free from the ropes.

I think I always feel like if everything went to shit, I would just teach improv at a theatre.

No one looks stupid when they’re having fun!

You know, it sounds like I’m bragging in some way, but as far as career stuff, there’s not that much stuff that scares me. I know what I can do well.

If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.

No one looks stupid when they’re having fun!

We are the people our parents warned us about.

I ran three miles today. Finally I said, ‘Lady take your purse’

So I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m turning into my mother.

I have won several prizes as the world’s slowest alto player, as well as a special award in 1961 for quietness.

Communism must be like one big phone company.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street

I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

I saw a bank that said ’24 Hour Banking’, but I don’t have that much time!

No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’

It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!