Amy Poehler

I think I always feel like if everything went to shit, I would just teach improv at a theatre.

If you can find a way to be truly ambivalent about what people think about you as an artist you’re completely freed up because you just end up doing things that turn you on creatively, and then as a person you really try and drown the noise.

I like the person who commits and goes all in and takes big swings and then maybe fails; who jumps and falls down, rather than the person who points at the person who fell and laughs. But I do sometimes laugh when people fall down.

You know, as a comedian your body has to be – I need to think of a better term than ‘up for grabs’ – but you kind of use whatever you have to get the laugh. And if you’re worrying about how you look… Vanity is the death of comedy.

I really do believe that anything in life – any obstacle or challenge – can be made better with humor.

I did not breeze in there thinking: ‘I’m going to nail this.’ My heart rate was not low when I was doing the Golden Globes. I wanted to do well. It’s very bizarre to be in a room where everybody in your audience is famous. But also: it’s an awards show!

The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.

I remember Tina Fey wrote a play about Catherine the Great f**king a horse and I thought, ‘That lady is hot stuff, I wanna know her.’

You know, as a comedian your body has to be – I need to think of a better term than ‘up for grabs’ – but you kind of use whatever you have to get the laugh. And if you’re worrying about how you look… Vanity is the death of comedy.

It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

No one looks stupid when they’re having fun!

No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.

Well if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

I saw a bank that said ’24 Hour Banking’, but I don’t have that much time!

Communism must be like one big phone company.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’