Yogi Berra

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.

Anyone who understands Jazz knows that you can’t understand it. It’s too complicated. That’s what’s so simple about it.

I have won several prizes as the world’s slowest alto player, as well as a special award in 1961 for quietness.

Communism must be like one big phone company.

It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’

So I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m turning into my mother.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Well if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone.

No one looks stupid when they’re having fun!

I saw a bank that said ’24 Hour Banking’, but I don’t have that much time!

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

The anticipation for Tina playing Palin was so fun to witness, and she explains it well in her book Fifty Shades of Grey. She totally took on what was expected of her and it was awesome to stand next to her as she killed.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I really do believe that anything in life – any obstacle or challenge – can be made better with humor.