Amy Poehler

Be yourself. No one else can be you.

You have to care about how good you are and how good you feel, but not about how good people think you are or how good people think you look.

Always remember your kid’s name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don’t let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers … for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.

Women talk about stuff on the way to the valet that it takes men 10 years to admit to each other. The depth at which women talk to and about each other is invaluable to me. With your really, really close good friends you do that fast.

I did not breeze in there thinking: ‘I’m going to nail this.’ My heart rate was not low when I was doing the Golden Globes. I wanted to do well. It’s very bizarre to be in a room where everybody in your audience is famous. But also: it’s an awards show!

When your children arrive, your heart becomes a room with wide open windows.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

I don’t mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don’t understand.

I tried practicing for a few weeks and ended up playing too fast.

Your wit makes others witty.

You know, as a comedian your body has to be – I need to think of a better term than ‘up for grabs’ – but you kind of use whatever you have to get the laugh. And if you’re worrying about how you look… Vanity is the death of comedy.

If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.

I really do believe that anything in life – any obstacle or challenge – can be made better with humor.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

Well if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone.

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

So I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m turning into my mother.

The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.

It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

I remember Tina Fey wrote a play about Catherine the Great f**king a horse and I thought, ‘That lady is hot stuff, I wanna know her.’