Robert Wilensky

You know, as a comedian your body has to be – I need to think of a better term than ‘up for grabs’ – but you kind of use whatever you have to get the laugh. And if you’re worrying about how you look… Vanity is the death of comedy.

If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.

So I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m turning into my mother.

The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

The anticipation for Tina playing Palin was so fun to witness, and she explains it well in her book Fifty Shades of Grey. She totally took on what was expected of her and it was awesome to stand next to her as she killed.

It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

[at the 2013 Golden Globe Awards] Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu and I hear she’s amazing in it.

Communism must be like one big phone company.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

I saw a bank that said ’24 Hour Banking’, but I don’t have that much time!

Well if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone.