James Thurber

He knows all about art, but he doesn’t know what he likes.

It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.

The harder I work, the luckier I get.

I have won several prizes as the world’s slowest alto player, as well as a special award in 1961 for quietness.

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

I ran three miles today. Finally I said, ‘Lady take your purse’

Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street

No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.

I really do believe that anything in life – any obstacle or challenge – can be made better with humor.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’

I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

Communism must be like one big phone company.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

I don’t mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don’t understand.

We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

[at the 2013 Golden Globe Awards] Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu and I hear she’s amazing in it.

Your wit makes others witty.