Jay Leno

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

I tried practicing for a few weeks and ended up playing too fast.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.

So I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m turning into my mother.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

Your wit makes others witty.

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I remember Tina Fey wrote a play about Catherine the Great f**king a horse and I thought, ‘That lady is hot stuff, I wanna know her.’

I don’t mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don’t understand.

[on Tina Fey] I like to say our relationship is as old as Lourdes Ciccone

The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.

No one looks stupid when they’re having fun!

The anticipation for Tina playing Palin was so fun to witness, and she explains it well in her book Fifty Shades of Grey. She totally took on what was expected of her and it was awesome to stand next to her as she killed.