If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.
The anticipation for Tina playing Palin was so fun to witness, and she explains it well in her book Fifty Shades of Grey. She totally took on what was expected of her and it was awesome to stand next to her as she killed.
I tried practicing for a few weeks and ended up playing too fast.
I remember Tina Fey wrote a play about Catherine the Great f**king a horse and I thought, ‘That lady is hot stuff, I wanna know her.’
We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
[on Tina Fey] I like to say our relationship is as old as Lourdes Ciccone
No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.
I really do believe that anything in life – any obstacle or challenge – can be made better with humor.
Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
Communism must be like one big phone company.
I have won several prizes as the worlds slowest alto player, as well as a special award in 1961 for quietness.
Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street
The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.
I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.
[at the 2013 Golden Globe Awards] Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu and I hear she’s amazing in it.
So I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m turning into my mother.
If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.
