Your wit makes others witty.
In my position you have to read when you want to write and to talk when you would like to read.
The laws ought to be so framed as to secure the safety of every citizen as much as possible. … Political liberty does not consist in the notion that a man may do whatever he pleases; liberty is the right to do whatsoever the laws allow. … The equality of the citizens consists in that they should all be subject to the same laws.
Tell a thousand people to draft a letter, let them debate every phrase, and see how long it takes and what you get.
I beg you take courage; the brave soul can mend even disaster.
All punishments by which the human body might be maimed are barbarbarism.
One does not always do the best there is. One does the best one can. – Catherine the Great
I saw a bank that said ’24 Hour Banking’, but I don’t have that much time!
If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.
If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.
I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street
No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.
The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.
[on Tina Fey] I like to say our relationship is as old as Lourdes Ciccone
I remember Tina Fey wrote a play about Catherine the Great f**king a horse and I thought, ‘That lady is hot stuff, I wanna know her.’
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
I ran three miles today. Finally I said, Lady take your purse’
I tried practicing for a few weeks and ended up playing too fast.
