Amy Poehler

Women talk about stuff on the way to the valet that it takes men 10 years to admit to each other. The depth at which women talk to and about each other is invaluable to me. With your really, really close good friends you do that fast.

The streets and woods around my house were a perfect setting for fake mischief. I would spend all afternoon pretending I had run away and had to live on my own. I would bring Toll House cookies and a sweatshirt and try to make a fire. I would sneak out side my house at dusk with a pair binoculars and search the streets for murderers. I created scenarios in my head that I always managed to escape from kidnap fantasies where I would wriggle free from the ropes.

The anticipation for Tina playing Palin was so fun to witness, and she explains it well in her book Fifty Shades of Grey. She totally took on what was expected of her and it was awesome to stand next to her as she killed.

You know, it sounds like I’m bragging in some way, but as far as career stuff, there’s not that much stuff that scares me. I know what I can do well.

[on her mother] she’s a very smart, independent woman who was kind of coming into her own in the feminist movement of the 70s and 80s

Great people do things before they’re ready.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.

I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

I remember Tina Fey wrote a play about Catherine the Great f**king a horse and I thought, ‘That lady is hot stuff, I wanna know her.’

Communism must be like one big phone company.

I tried practicing for a few weeks and ended up playing too fast.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

I ran three miles today. Finally I said, ‘Lady take your purse’

I have won several prizes as the world’s slowest alto player, as well as a special award in 1961 for quietness.

Your wit makes others witty.

I saw a bank that said ’24 Hour Banking’, but I don’t have that much time!