Rita Rudner

I don’t like when there’s too much conversation because I’m shy and it makes me uncomfortable.

Fame for fame’s sake is a completely empty experience. Fame should be a by-product (and not necessarily a good one) of achieving something extraordinary.

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.

In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular.

There are few ways in which a man can be more innocently employed than in getting money.

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.

Money is indeed the most important thing in the world.

Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.

We are not the sum of our possessions.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.

I say, not in a braggadocios way, I’ve made billions and billions of dollars dealing with people all around the world.

To make a million, start with $900,000.

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed!

You can’t substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship. Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness.

If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.

You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!

I’m bout this shmoney!