Jules Renard

I don’t know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn’t.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.

You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

I’m rich beyond my wildest dreams.

More and more these days I find myself pondering how to reconcile my net income with my gross habits.

Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.

When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.

I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died!

Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.

No man’s credit is as good as his money.

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy, when they have one.

If saving money is wrong, I don’t want to be right!

Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.

The point is, you can never be too greedy.