Rita Rudner

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy, when they have one.

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.

Fame for fame’s sake is a completely empty experience. Fame should be a by-product (and not necessarily a good one) of achieving something extraordinary.

Power begins with having a crystal-clear view of reality and what each and every person in your life is driven by.

I know the sun rises in the eat and sets in the west, that I am ten fingers and ten toes and ten thousand reasons short of explaining what it is I can’t explain to you. And I know that I will always love you in certainties.

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

Experience is the harvest of life, and every harvest is the result of a sowing. The experience which young people must crave is that of success in some service for which they are naturally fitted.

The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution.

The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you.

Every situation needs a hero. Step up and be that for your child.

It’s so much easier to tell people what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear.

The philosophy of life indicates that our principal business on this planet is the gaining of experience.

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.

There are certain things we come into this world having to defeat.

The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.

I have lived too long to cherish many illusions about the essential high-mindedness of men when brought into stark confrontation with the issue of control over their security, and their property interests.

You are so much more than what people have done to you, and to let that define you, would be a tragedy.

Some days, your perfume falls from your skin and settles in the staircase. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stopped on the fourth step and felt all the ways I’ve fallen in love with you.