Rita Rudner

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy, when they have one.

I don’t like when there’s too much conversation because I’m shy and it makes me uncomfortable.

I like to write about women, not so much about the way they relate to men, but about the way they relate to each other.

A rivalry doesn’t happen in one or two races or in one year. It happens over a period of time to really get a rivalry going. We race together three or four races and get to beating on each other, that’s not a rivalry, that’s just a happening. You do that four or fives years, that’s a rivalry.

All I can do is take influences from where I was raised.

I don’t want to wear high heels because I can’t run around with my son. So, for real life, I like to be in jeans and nice-cut shirts. I appreciate good tailoring.

I love “The Office”. I think it’s the funniest thing – Ricky Gervais is possibly the funniest person I’ve seen in my entire life.

I tell you, in this world being a little crazy helps to keep you sane.

There are so many people who are trying to make it in the music business. It’s a very open business, more open I think than any other area of show business.

You don’t waste your entire life waiting to go back to dust.

It was reported that the New York Knicks have won all 12 of the home games attended by magician David Blaine. A spokesman for the Knicks said, ‘if this is what it takes to win, it’s not worth it.’

Even in 2008 – which was probably the most exciting political cycle I experienced while at SNL – there was a sense of a hangover afterwards. But this time, it has been relentless, and we’re only relentless in what we’re doing because [the Trump administration is] so relentless in what they’re doing. So this is all a reactive relentlessness.

I’m speaking for all of us. I’m the spokesman for a generation.

I’ve been a life-time member of the Black Country community and I’m supporting the Wolverhampton Youth Zone. I think it’s a very welcome and crucial addition to the life of kids in our area.

I am looking for a man I couldn’t beat in a cage fight.

I don’t have any illusions anymore. The illusion that rock ‘n’ roll could change anything – I don’t believe that. I’ve changed. Who would have ever thought that I’d end up saying that I want to be an all-around entertainer? But that’s what I want to be.

Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual with the successful one is a lot of hard work.