Mark Twain

What do we call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, forgiveness? Different results of the master impulse, the necessity of securing one’s self-approval.

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

The miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application, and perseverance under the prompting of a brave, determined spirit.

A jay hasnt got any more principle than a Congressman. A jay will lie, a jay will steal, a jay will deceive, a jay will betray; and four times out of five, a jay will go back on his solemnest promise.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Imagine what a harmonious world it could be if every single person, young and old shared just a little of what he is good at doing.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

If you want to change the world, start with the next person who comes to you in need.

Be grateful for luck. Pay the thunder no mind.

As we advance in life we learn the limits of our abilities.

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.

For to tempt and to be tempted are things very nearly allied – whenever feeling has anything to do in the matter, no sooner is it excited than we have already gone vastly farther than we are aware of.

It was like being in the eye of a hurricane. You’d wake up in a concert and think, Wow, how did I get here?

My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.

It is said that power corrupts, but actually it’s more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power.

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

One of the hardest things for a parent to have to do is to tell your children that your other parent has died.

This is no dress rehearsal.

Despite everybody who has been born and has died, the world has just gone on. I mean, look at Napoleon – but we went right on. Look at Harpo Marx –the world went around, it didn’t stop for a second. It’s sad but true. John Kennedy, right?