Sir Edward Appleton

Well if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone.

So I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m turning into my mother.

[at the 2013 Golden Globe Awards] Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu and I hear she’s amazing in it.

I remember Tina Fey wrote a play about Catherine the Great f**king a horse and I thought, ‘That lady is hot stuff, I wanna know her.’

[on Tina Fey] I like to say our relationship is as old as Lourdes Ciccone

The anticipation for Tina playing Palin was so fun to witness, and she explains it well in her book Fifty Shades of Grey. She totally took on what was expected of her and it was awesome to stand next to her as she killed.

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

I ran three miles today. Finally I said, ‘Lady take your purse’

Communism must be like one big phone company.

The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.

No one looks stupid when they’re having fun!

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

Your wit makes others witty.

No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.