Mark Twain

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Put all your eggs in one basket and then watch that basket.

I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razor strap. A thin book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat.

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.

What, then, is the true Gospel of consistency? Change. Who is the really consistent man? The man who changes. Since change is the law of his being, he cannot be consistent if he stick in a rut.

Bankers are just like anybody else, only richer

Money is the best deodorant.

When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.

You can’t borrow your way to prosperity. Look for ways to create value and you will attract money.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

The point is, you can never be too greedy.

I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

Getting money is not all a man’s business: to cultivate kindness is a valuable part of the business of life.

I’m bout this shmoney!

Don’t depend on anyone but yourself for providing financial security.

Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it.

It’s like when you see all the slave movies. Why you gotta keep reminding us about slavery? Why don’t you show us – put Michael Jordan on a $20 bill.

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy, when they have one.

I rob banks because that’s where the money is.