Henny Youngman

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays.

A man who pays his bills on time is soon forgotten

I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.

Steve Jobs didn’t give a shit about money, and I do give a shit about money. I wanted to have a lot of money. I thought it would change my life, which it did, but not in the ways I expected.

We are not the sum of our possessions.

A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money.

If a person gets his attitude towards money straight, it will straighten out almost every other area in his life.

What’s money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.

When I was young, I thought that money was the most important thing in the world. Now that I’m old . . . I know it is.

Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? … No pockets.

It has been said that the love of money is the root of all evil. The want of money is so quite as truly.

We didn’t actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure.

More and more these days I find myself pondering how to reconcile my net income with my gross habits.

Philanthropic efforts are among the best rewards you can have for a life well lived.

Hobbies cost money but interests are free

Money gives me the creeps and mildly embarrasses me. I get paid too much anyway.