George Carlin

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Hobbies cost money but interests are free

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because its much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

Jazz musicians are the only workers who will put in a full shift for pay and then go somewhere else and continue to work for free.

The propensity to truck, barter and exchange one thing for another is common to all men, and to be found in no other race of animals.

I used to have a drug problem, now I make enough money

I’ve been poor and I’ve been rich and rich is better.

Money often costs too much.

Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.

A man who pays his bills on time is soon forgotten

I think one of the most pervasive evils in this world is greed and acquiring money for money’s sake. Once you have six houses and a plane, it’s just about a number. It’s never been anything I understood.

A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.

Part of the beauty of me is that I’m very rich

If money be not they servant, it will be thy master. The covetous man cannot so properly be said to possess wealth, as that may be said to possess him.

Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.

If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.

Money gives me the creeps and mildly embarrasses me. I get paid too much anyway.

No man’s credit is as good as his money.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.