Jackie Mason

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

It’s no longer a question of staying healthy. It’s a question of finding a sickness you like.

The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people.

Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it.

Don’t let your mouth write no check that your tail can’t cash.

The want of money is the root of all evil.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn’t have it and thought of other things if you did.

Money is the best deodorant.

When I started to make more or less serious money – for those times – then, of course, I wanted to show everyone that life is different: it’s a new kind of life; we are earning this money. We wanted to pay taxes and live honestly.

The only point in making money is, you can tell some big shot where to go.

You can’t substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship. Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness.

Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.

There is only one amount of money – just not enough!

In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.

It is easier to ask for money when you don’t need the money.

I used to have a drug problem, now I make enough money