George Burns

You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

Scientists have odious manners, except when you prop up their theory; then you can borrow money of them.

There comes a point where it doesn’t matter how many zeroes are at the end of your bank account.

I’ve earned all this money. I’ve worked for it. I didn’t cheat anybody. I didn’t issue junk bonds and put people out of work. I earned it. And I live relatively modestly given my level of success and wealth.

A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money.

Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.

You can’t borrow your way to prosperity. Look for ways to create value and you will attract money.

Carpe per diem – seize the check.

Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

Money is like manure, of very little use except it be spread.

You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!

Hobbies cost money but interests are free

Getting money is not all a man’s business: to cultivate kindness is a valuable part of the business of life.

If you want to make a million you don’t have to understand money, what you have to understand is people’s fears about money.

If you’re given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal.

Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.