Ricky Gervais

I’m a lot taller than I look on television and younger, and for the role of David Brent I wore a fat suit under my shirt and trousers. Really I’m about 25 and about 6′ 1 tall. So that’s probably why you don’t recognize me in the street.

I’ve been offered a part in Alias and I’m going to do it. I love Alias, it’s great and JJ Abrams is writing me a part especially. It’s just whether I can do it or not – it’s got to be the right time, the right project, it’s got to be fun, it’s got to be worth it and it mustn’t be bad for my career. Most people go ‘it’ll do, it’s work and it’ll make me a bit more famous’ or ‘the money’s good’ but I just think I’ve never regretted saying no. But a lot of people have regretted saying yes.

[on Stephen Merchant] He’s eight foot tall, has stupid glasses, awful hair, but it makes me look good, which is why he’s in the series. We look so strange on screen together as well. The height difference is ridiculous. I want people to know that he is a freak and I’m the normal one. Don’t look at this and go, ‘What? Didn’t know Ricky was a dwarf.’ I’m not. He’s the weird one.

I grew up watching fantastic mainstream comedies like ‘Porridge’ and ‘Rising Damp’. There are some mainstream things I love.

[on turning down a role in ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’] I didn’t really fancy sitting in a hotel room in Los Angeles for nine weeks for two minutes on screen, to be honest. I don’t really want to be an actor. I want to write and direct. I’ve been offered about ten British films. Obviously all shit. I was offered one with Johnny Depp, but again, it was a small character part, and I thought, ‘What’s the point?’ No one’s ever watched someone in seven films for one minute and said, ‘Yeah, give him his own film’…it doesn’t happen.”

[on animals] When I see a toreador in a bullfight getting gored I think: ‘Good, you shouldn’t be in there’. What is the pleasure in seeing an animal speared to death? It’s the same with fox hunting. They’re just psychopaths. I think I’ll end up doing something with animals – running a sanctuary or something.

There is only one amount of money – just not enough!

Money is like manure, of very little use except it be spread.

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy, when they have one.

Use your money to buy privacy because during most of your life you aren’t allowed to be normal.

I have never been in a situation where having money made it worse.

Money without brains is always dangerous.

If you’re given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal.

Bankers are just like anybody else, only richer

The want of money is the root of all evil.

Money will buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail!

His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.

If you want to make a million you don’t have to understand money, what you have to understand is people’s fears about money.

Money often costs too much.

Money is the representative of a certain quantity of corn or other commodity. It is so much warmth, so much bread.

Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.