[on turning down a role in ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’] I didn’t really fancy sitting in a hotel room in Los Angeles for nine weeks for two minutes on screen, to be honest. I don’t really want to be an actor. I want to write and direct. I’ve been offered about ten British films. Obviously all shit. I was offered one with Johnny Depp, but again, it was a small character part, and I thought, ‘What’s the point?’ No one’s ever watched someone in seven films for one minute and said, ‘Yeah, give him his own film’…it doesn’t happen.”
More quotes by Ricky Gervais
I hate lateness. I hate people who are late. There is no excuse for turning up late for anything. I’ve never been late for anything in my life. I was actually born a week premature, because I wanted to be early for my own birth. Being late is an insult to me.
I’ve been offered a part in Alias and I’m going to do it. I love Alias, it’s great and JJ Abrams is writing me a part especially. It’s just whether I can do it or not – it’s got to be the right time, the right project, it’s got to be fun, it’s got to be worth it and it mustn’t be bad for my career. Most people go ‘it’ll do, it’s work and it’ll make me a bit more famous’ or ‘the money’s good’ but I just think I’ve never regretted saying no. But a lot of people have regretted saying yes.
I remember when we were talking to one of the executives at the BBC. And he said, ‘Now hold on, this man (David Brent) is so incompetent why wouldn’t he be fired?’ and I said ‘Go and take a look around this building. Just go and knock on a few doors.’
[about the showbiz lifestyle] It’s all too much trouble for me. It’s probably because I’m fat and lazy and old.
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And I’m looking at him like, ‘Oh my God. This is Michael Jackson’. I fainted, blacked out – like seriously blacked out.
It takes a lot of time, commitment and a choice. I’ve chosen this path, but it’s not to say I’m not open to love or whatever comes my way. You never close doors.
I was quite intimidated by Ralph Fiennes. I didn’t really talk to him while I was doing Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and the only thing I did with him was when he stepped on my head. Then I went to this play and he was there. And this girl said, “you’ve worked with Ralph Fiennes haven’t you, Robert?” and I was like, “well, no…” and Ralph said, “yes, I stepped on your head.” And that was the extent of our conversation.
[on animals] When I see a toreador in a bullfight getting gored I think: ‘Good, you shouldn’t be in there’. What is the pleasure in seeing an animal speared to death? It’s the same with fox hunting. They’re just psychopaths. I think I’ll end up doing something with animals – running a sanctuary or something.
I’ve been watching what I eat. When I was putting on all the weight, I was drinking Guinness and not eating. I didn’t have room to because I was drinking all the time.
The first time I saw Led Zeppelin, Bonzo (John Bonham) just walked on the stage and just warmed up for about 10 seconds. Freddie (Freddie Mercury) and I nearly fell over we just couldn’t believe the power and the sound. People are still today trying to imitate Led Zeppelin, America is full of drummers trying to play like John Bonham.
The thing is, I get asked when I first knew I wanted to act so often, and I genuinely can’t answer it. It’s just… I got the bug, and that’s it.
Do the NBC bigheads really pay attention to these message boards? Um, I don’t know if they read the message boards. I hope so, because I write fifty to a thousand fake posts a week, mostly, uh, saying that I’m really good and that no else is as good as me. So, I hope they listen to that because I’m trying to get a raise.
By the way, when Oprah Winfrey is suggesting you may have overextended yourself, you need to examine your f**ing life.