Ricky Gervais

I grew up watching fantastic mainstream comedies like ‘Porridge’ and ‘Rising Damp’. There are some mainstream things I love.

[on animals] When I see a toreador in a bullfight getting gored I think: ‘Good, you shouldn’t be in there’. What is the pleasure in seeing an animal speared to death? It’s the same with fox hunting. They’re just psychopaths. I think I’ll end up doing something with animals – running a sanctuary or something.

There’s nothing wrong with getting 20 million viewers, but I think there’s something wrong with aiming at getting 20 million viewers, because then you have to take away all the things that will offend, and you’ll end up with something so anodyne that it just washes over you for half an hour. I imagine The Office was also one of the most hated shows on television, that some people passionately hated it. But that’s better, for me. David Bowie said that after Let’s Dance, which is his biggest album ever and obviously not his best, he was doing these stadium gigs and looked out at the audience and suddenly realized that he had Phil Collins fans instead of Iggy Pop fans. And that’s how I feel about everything I do: I want Iggy Pop fans.

I remember when we were talking to one of the executives at the BBC. And he said, ‘Now hold on, this man (David Brent) is so incompetent why wouldn’t he be fired?’ and I said ‘Go and take a look around this building. Just go and knock on a few doors.’

Apparently, I don’t know if this is true but I hope it is, I’ve heard it from a few reports, when we went up to get our awards apparently Clint Eastwood turned to someone that he was with and went, (Clint impression) ‘Who the f**k are they?’

[on Stephen Merchant] He’s eight foot tall, has stupid glasses, awful hair, but it makes me look good, which is why he’s in the series. We look so strange on screen together as well. The height difference is ridiculous. I want people to know that he is a freak and I’m the normal one. Don’t look at this and go, ‘What? Didn’t know Ricky was a dwarf.’ I’m not. He’s the weird one.

I thought Laura’s record was going to be huge… It was not successful it sold something like 20 or 30,000 albums. Laura lacked a certain level of ambition and didn’t really want to do the things that people do to become known. So I thought I’d better get people to record these songs and make them hits so that people will see that she’s a great songwriter.

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

I have absolutely no empathy for camels. I didn’t care for being abused in the Middle East by those horrible, horrible, horrible creatures. They don’t like people. It’s not at all like the relationship between horses and humans.

I gossiped when I was given a chance because I wasn’t popular so the few times someone would invite you into the group to have a conversation it was usually about someone else and you just joined in because it was great to be a part of something, and that I feel bad for.

Right now, I do not like kids at all. I mean, I love my fans and everything, but when you have kids following you around all day, it’s like, “Ugh, kids!” Maybe that will change when I get older.

It’s always great to make a film about people that don’t get along, because you inevitably wind up getting along so well.

I see my role as a baby doctor helping people deliver their babies. I felt the same way in the music industry.

If I go and try to watch a movie by myself I’ll be completely transfixed the whole time, concentrating one hundred percent. But if I’m with another person on a date or something, within two minutes I’ll be like ‘This is rubbish, this is rubbish. We should leave and do something else.’ I don’t really know why.

[On his favourite scene from “New Moon”] The Volterra scene, where I have to step into the light. There were many extras and many fans there. Some fans travelled across the world to be there. I felt a huge sense of responsibility, being in front of so many that are so obsessed with this story. It was nerve wrecking, but I never felt closer to the character before this.

The only reward for anything is food.

I never thought that I would have a career in show business…

Trump is like a magic eight-ball; every time you shake him he gives you a different answer, and sometimes the answer is just ‘big-league’ or ‘that’s some body on my daughter, right?’

I just needed a job. Before being hired as an usher at the CBS Theater, I didn’t even know there was a show business.

Who on Barbie D? Who on Barbie D?

I needed to explore my talent and versatility and see if I had another side to me, another sound.