Tina Fey

We’ll probably end up doing a terrible crossover, where the Matthew Perry character on the drama rapes my character on the comedy-and then the ‘Law & Order’ team solves the crime.

I don’t fit the mold. In this country, success usually happens when you are 22 and six feet tall. Clearly, by asking that question they are kind of letting me know that I am an aberration.

Wafah Dufour bin Laden, niece of Osama bin Laden has signed a contract to star in a reality show…called Skating with the Nieces of Terrorists.

If you want to be a screenwriter, take an acting class to get a sense of what you’re asking actors to do. Learning other skills will help you communicate with people and respect what they do.

You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

Twitter seems like a busman’s holiday: just more writing. I have no plans to do it. I’ll just stick with my 24/7 webcam. I’m old-fashioned that way.

My mission is to let all women know you don’t have to be like Paris Hilton and shoot a sex tape and three weeks later you have a reality show. You don’t (have) to be like Kim and shoot a sex tape and do Playboy and become this so-called superstar from having a sex tape. Just focus on your talent, the positive things of life that you do!

If I were running ‘The View’, I’d fire Rosie O’Donnell. I mean, I’d look at her right in that fat, ugly face of hers, I’d say ‘Rosie, you’re fired.’

I am now determined to do really weird parts but I think I overdo it in auditions so nobody really trusts me!

No one wants to quit when he’s losing and no one wants to quit when he’s winning.

I’m not Sammy Glick. I’ve never killed anyone. I don’t have to. I’m too talented.

Finding another way to do what I know I can do pretty well. A way that stimulates me. I’m always on some sort of learning curve. If I can continually be surprised then I’m alert.

I’m not perfect! I’m human. I make mistakes. But I try to be as conscious as I can about things I should be. If I’m going to do something commercial and mainstream and made for the masses, I just believe you can make those kinds of films with quality – and good ideas and good intentions. There’s a lot of negativity out there.

I’m like one of those firecrackers that goes off in your pocket occasionally. I’m not really struggling with it as much as the people around me. But at least I’m not doing too much damage to anybody or to myself. It’s just the condition I’m aware of.

So when I come across as being everybody’s mate and nice and humble, I’m only nice and humble to a certain degree; the other side of me is arrogantly determined to do what the f**k I want.

I was advised by an American agent when I was about 19 to change my surname.

Anthony Weiner’s alter ego is a Bolivian action hero slash porn star. ‘Danger… is my user name.’

[On his early day in the music business] I stepped on a lot of toes… at that time.

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

When I was producing on my own, I was doing it in order to – in a very patriarchal entertainment industry, let alone planet – very much hell-bent on trying to prove to myself, if nothing else, that I could do it as a woman.

[On Lord Of The Rings] I don’t like all this stupid Gollum begat Wobblo and the Oompa Loompas and…Oh Jesus Christ! There was too much “Oh, God, here come the gloodloys…” Christ Almighty, what are they talking about!?