Jackie Mason

It’s no longer a question of staying healthy. It’s a question of finding a sickness you like.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.

It has been said that the love of money is the root of all evil. The want of money is so quite as truly.

Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game.

Money is not required to buy one necessity of the soul.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

The point is, you can never be too greedy.

I don’t wake up for less than $10,000 a day.

A fool and her money are soon courted.

Money is like manure, of very little use except it be spread.

Part of the beauty of me is that I’m very rich

You can be young without money but you can’t be old without it.

Making money ain’t nothing exciting to me. You might be able to buy a little better booze than the wino on the corner. But you get sick just like the next cat and when you die you’re just as graveyard dead as he is.

Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.

I’m so naive about finances. Once when my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain: ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.

I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.