Robin Williams

A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while. About comic lines written by Mark Shaiman being removed for innuendo (i.e. Chip ‘n Dale are both strippers”) the week before for his presenting of Best Animated Film at the 77th Academy Awards: “For a while you get mad, then you get over it. They’re afraid of saying Olive Oyl is anorexic. It tells you about the state of humor. It’s strange to think: how afraid are you? We thought that they got the irony of it. I guess not.”

[to troops in Iraq] I’m looking at a group of heavily armed people here. I’m telling myself ‘if you’re not funny, it’s a problem’

Freud: If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.

You can start any Monty Python routine and people finish it for you. Everyone knows it like shorthand.

They’re talking about partial nuclear disarmament, which is also like talking about partial circumcision- you either go all the way or forget it.

Carpe per diem – seize the check.

I really like comedy that brings people together. There’s a lot of comedies lately that have been at people’s expense or been kind of acidic or mean-spirited. And some folks like that, and I think there’s room for that, but that’s not my style. I like something that makes us all feel closer. Comedy, at its best, can be healing.

I think a poet is anybody who wouldn’t call himself a poet.

It’s OK to quote from your past. But I’m more interested in quoting from my present and pointing towards the future.

[on her nude picture scandal] I’m much better now. But truthfully I don’t like talking about it. It was something that was meant to be private, and even though it isn’t anymore, I’d still like to keep it as private as I can. It was very traumatic, and I am extremely upset it happened. I hope all my fans can learn from my mistake and make smart decisions. But I wouldn’t have been able to get through it if it wasn’t for my family, friends, and fans, who supported me all along the way.

Never put a question mark where God puts a Period.

I think Daniel (Radcliffe)’s… just so far superior to me in terms of desirability, so he didn’t really have much of a competition with me. If I were Katie, I would definitely go out with him because he’s rich and famous, and I’m not really!

I was born in ’74, so I missed out on all the great early ’60s and early ’70s.

I’ve signed breasts and bums. I’ve signed everything!

What is really important for a woman, you know, even more than being beautiful or intelligent, is to be entertaining.

When it comes down to it, I just like taking my pants down.

I have a certain curiosity for life that drives me and propels me forward.

It takes a lot of time, commitment and a choice. I’ve chosen this path, but it’s not to say I’m not open to love or whatever comes my way. You never close doors.

I’m quite obviously not the world’s most handsome man – I’m the second world’s most handsome man!

I get most of my news from the Jon Stewart Daily Show. It’s the most level commentary you can find. You have to laugh, because it’s all so true. It’s the closest thing to a counterculture.

[On how she handles people who disagree with her] I’ve learned the art of ignoring people. When people give you some piece of direction you don’t like, you just nod and ignore it. Just don’t do it! Most people want to be heard and acknowledged, anyway. Just do what you want to do.