Robin Williams

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He’s like ‘We have to get rid of dictators,’ but he’s pretty much one himself.

Okra is the closest thing to nylon I’ve ever eaten. It’s like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.

Everyone has these two visions when they hold their child for the first time. The first is your child as an adult saying ‘I want to thank the Nobel Committee for this award.’ The other is ‘You want fries with that?’

Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet

They’re talking about partial nuclear disarmament, which is also like talking about partial circumcision- you either go all the way or forget it.

I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that interested me, along with learning the craft and working, and just being in productions with people.

I was singing a lot of waltzes. And I was with Jerry Kennedy, my producer, and he was playing me some songs, and he said, hey, I want to play you this song that I’m going to get Jackie Ward to record.

You have to learn that if you start making sure you feel good, everything will be okay.

We are trying to communicate a fulfilled ideal. Does anybody remember laughter?

A rivalry doesn’t happen in one or two races or in one year. It happens over a period of time to really get a rivalry going. We race together three or four races and get to beating on each other, that’s not a rivalry, that’s just a happening. You do that four or fives years, that’s a rivalry.

I think I’m prone to panic.

I can’t tell you an answer to that (question on the meaning of life). I can just say live it, be kind, do your best, don’t hurt anybody, and don’t fake orgasms. From a man’s viewpoint, that’s pretty impossible.

So I’ve realized that this outfit is part of Richard Petty now. And the real Richard Petty is still hidden behind these glasses.

I’m just a big, hard tool.

I’m always eager to return to the hospitality of the Southern states….Towns and cities that hold fond memories for me personally, places that gave birth to so much of the music I love.

Congress is like jazz – it’s really about the bills it’s not passing. It’s also like jazz in that most people hate it and anyone who says they don’t are lying.

I’m often mistaken for Spanish or Latin descent.

Cocaine is God’s way of saying that you’re making too much money.

There is no doubt about precisely when folks began racing each other in automobiles. It was the day they built the second automobile.

Yeezus was extremely purposeful. And what came from Yeezus: Paparazzi are nicer to me. The entire fashion industry is nicer to me.

I’ve never, ever, raised a fist to anybody in my life.