Robin Williams

God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at once.

Okra is the closest thing to nylon I’ve ever eaten. It’s like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.

Cocaine is God’s way of saying that you’re making too much money.

Carpe per diem – seize the check.

Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party.

Freud: If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.

I’ll be ready for it to happen and that way it won’t happen. It’s a burden, being able to control situations with my hyper-vigilance, but it’s my lot in life.

There’s no substitute to being successful on an actual chart.

I really like comedy that brings people together. There’s a lot of comedies lately that have been at people’s expense or been kind of acidic or mean-spirited. And some folks like that, and I think there’s room for that, but that’s not my style. I like something that makes us all feel closer. Comedy, at its best, can be healing.

An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women’s Affairs. Man, who’d she have to show her ankles to to get that job?

There have been people I’ve warmed to over the years but, as the situation I’m in is so fleeting and transient, I’ve always known it’s going to be over kind of real quick.

I took piano lessons when I was younger and I’ve been trying to learn how to play the guitar recently. I’d realy like to learn how to play the drums. They’re alot of fun and they require a lot of focus.

To a smart girl men are no problem – they’re the answer.

It’s a lot harder to do an ensemble because your energy is going in so many different places, and you have to cover everybody. You have to sort of split your attention.

Confidence is everything in this business.

Music is split up now into little pockets.

My body is the shape I live in and it shapes the way I live.

When onstage, I always try to take my audience through as many emotions as I possibly can. I want them to go from laughter to tears, be shocked and surprised and walk out the door with a renewed sense of themselves – and maybe a smile.

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He’s like ‘We have to get rid of dictators,’ but he’s pretty much one himself.

I think I’m brave about some things and a huge coward in other ways. My fake bravery is talking in front of a bunch of people who might hate it.

I’ll take opinions from anyone from Jay-Z to a janitor, and I might value the janitor’s opinion more.