Robin Williams

Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet

You can start any Monty Python routine and people finish it for you. Everyone knows it like shorthand.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.

They’re talking about partial nuclear disarmament, which is also like talking about partial circumcision- you either go all the way or forget it.

God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at once.

Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.

I was wearing my best gap turtleneck and my dates were two adult lesbians. So yea, I was pretty cool.

I remember failing my Princeton interview. My mom wanted me to apply because ever since I was a kid she had this dream that I would apply to Princeton, but it was just not happening.

My love for the band is still there. It hasn’t changed, maybe that’s why it’s so painful these days.

Old men do it better. We’re not so sensitive in certain areas.

I’m very wary of talking about statements. I’m a storyteller, I’m an actor, an entertainer.

Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? I’m not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I’m just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I’d like to cut your chest open. The crowd cheers.

When we first started DreamWorks, I said to Jeffrey, ‘We ought to call this new company the Spielberg Brothers. Anything Steven thinks is important, we want to invest in.

I like you baby, just not more than my work right now

I love Scrubs. It’s the best day job in the world.

[on Trump] Many people are happy to see him in office. Some are voters who think he’ll bring jobs back and shake up Washington; others are happy simply because he isn’t Hillary Clinton, and others of course are Vladimir Putin and Scott Baio. But, for the rest of us, we are faced with the same questions as a guy that woke up the day after a Vegas bachelor party, deep in the desert, naked, tied to a cactus and a dead clown, namely: How the f**k did we get here? and What the f**k do we do now?

When I was 17, my producer Rodney Jerkins was working with Michael Jackson at the time. He knew how much I wanted to meet Michael Jackson, so he says, ‘Would you like to come and meet him?’ I’m like, ‘Are you serious? Of course I want to meet Michael Jackson! Where do I meet you? Where do we come?’

I am working on a dress sock line of funky, colorful, cool designs.

I’ve been working so hard, I’m about to have a Mariah Carey.

I’m just incredibly fortunate that my eyes and ears have been opened. I have to be honest with myself and remove as much of the repetition and fakery as is humanly possible. To soothe the savage heart, we have to repeat ourselves sometimes – that’s entertainment.

To a smart girl men are no problem – they’re the answer.