Mark Twain

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

The most difficult We do not deal in facts when we are contemplating ourselves.

Unconsciously we all have a standard by which we measure other men, and if we examine closely we find that this standard is a very simple one, and is this: we admire them, we envy them, for great qualities we ourselves lack. Hero worship consists in just that. Our heroes are men who do things which we recognize, with regret, and sometimes with a secret shame, that we cannot do. We find not much in ourselves to admire, we are always privately wanting to be like somebody else. If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.

There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular is providence.

Hain’t we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain’t that a big enough majority in any town?

War talk by men who have been in a war is always interesting; whereas moon talk by a poet who has not been in the moon is likely to be dull.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

Look, I’m not a rich person. I’m a poor person with Money.

Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that’s subtraction!

The only point in making money is, you can tell some big shot where to go.

If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.

We are not the sum of our possessions.

If you’re given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal.

More and more these days I find myself pondering how to reconcile my net income with my gross habits.

I have never believed that prosperity is bad or something to be shunned.

Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.

I was so poor growing up, if I wasn’t a boy, I’d have had nothing to play with.