George Carlin

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because its much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Hobbies cost money but interests are free

Jazz musicians are the only workers who will put in a full shift for pay and then go somewhere else and continue to work for free.

Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.

Whoever thinks that money can’t buy happiness . . . just doesn’t know where to shop!

Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.

Money will buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail!

Money frees you from things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money comes in handy.

Philanthropic efforts are among the best rewards you can have for a life well lived.

What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?

There comes a point where it doesn’t matter how many zeroes are at the end of your bank account.

There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.

I used to have a drug problem, now I make enough money

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

If you’re given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal.

Money is indeed the most important thing in the world.

What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.