Comedy is acting out optimism.
Politics: ‘Poli’a Latin word meaning ‘many’; and “tics” meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.
Everyone has these two visions when they hold their child for the first time. The first is your child as an adult saying ‘I want to thank the Nobel Committee for this award.’ The other is ‘You want fries with that?’
[on Popeye] If you watch it backwards, it has a plot.
I believe I could do dance on ice, or play in a musical of Freud’s life called ‘It’s Your Mother’ – or maybe one for the symbolists: ‘Jung at Heart’. There’s always the one about India: ‘The Gandhi Man Can’.
[to troops in Iraq] I’m looking at a group of heavily armed people here. I’m telling myself ‘if you’re not funny, it’s a problem’
God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at once.
You know, I get a lot of people pitching songs to me.
What turning forty means to me- I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that, but now I do.
If you really love someone, you shouldn’t have to work at it. You finish each others’ sentences and have the same sense of humor.
Now, if it’s just a little toe-tapper, got to make me feel good somehow or another, or when I sing it I can’t make you feel good.
[on Anthony Weiner] I remember him now… the man whose name is so perfect for the scandal he was caught up in that it rekindled my faith in God.
Thanks jet lag it’s now 4am but I’m still in a 1pm body.
If you are someone, you know, with fame, whatever amount, it’s good to be married to someone who’s not impressed with that at all.
There are so many different definitions of pretty.’ it’s so much broader than before. The old pretty is boring- nobody cares anymore.
I’ll be a nun, raise my daughter, and make albums.
People find out I’m an actress and I see that ‘whore’ look flicker across their eyes.
If you don’t know what it is, don’t mess with it
They made me use an accent, which I wasn’t thrilled about because a lot of us, obviously, don’t have them.
Diamonds never leave you… men do!
My passion is doing movies, and as long as I keep doing that, I’ll be happy. I want to do movies, fun roles and dramatic ones. I love all of it.
