Robin Williams

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you are making too much money.

(While accepting the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for Good Will Hunting) Most of all, I want to thank my father, up there, the man who when I said I wanted to be an actor, he said, ‘Wonderful. Just have a back-up profession like welding.’

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

Spring is nature’s way of saying, “Let’s party!”

[to troops in Iraq] I’m looking at a group of heavily armed people here. I’m telling myself ‘if you’re not funny, it’s a problem’

Cocaine is God’s way of saying that you’re making too much money.

I wish everybody would treat themselves like a plant.

You can tell an honest artist from one who’s just given all their songs.

[on marriage] I’m a fan of marriage, but more for other people right now than for myself.

[on the MTV movie awards] Ryan was whispering in my ear as we’re winning the award. He’s like, ‘You go that way, I’ll go this way, and we’ll meet in the middle. I was like, ‘What?!? You better not chicken out or I’ll kill you!’ It was fun.

Know what? Bitches get shit done.

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend and dogs are a man’s best friend. Now you know which sex has more sense.

I think the way for me to win America’s heart is to perform, and if I really was concerned about breaking big then there’d be a tour.

All my favorite stars, my family and my friends are here. I’m having the happiest birthday that an 18-year-old girl could ever have.

Music is passionate. It’s love for me.

My favourite part [of Pulp Fiction] is when Sam has his gun out in the diner and he tells the guy to tell his girlfriend to shut up. ‘Tell that bitch to be cool. Say: Bitch be cool.’ I love those lines.

I’ve been offered a part in Alias and I’m going to do it. I love Alias, it’s great and JJ Abrams is writing me a part especially. It’s just whether I can do it or not – it’s got to be the right time, the right project, it’s got to be fun, it’s got to be worth it and it mustn’t be bad for my career. Most people go ‘it’ll do, it’s work and it’ll make me a bit more famous’ or ‘the money’s good’ but I just think I’ve never regretted saying no. But a lot of people have regretted saying yes.

I really like comedy that brings people together. There’s a lot of comedies lately that have been at people’s expense or been kind of acidic or mean-spirited. And some folks like that, and I think there’s room for that, but that’s not my style. I like something that makes us all feel closer. Comedy, at its best, can be healing.

I really wasn’t heavy in high school. But no one feels right in their own skin, particularly in high school.

I don’t want to stop and I don’t think Pete (Pete Townshend) does. We’re at the pinnacle of our decline.

Apparently, I don’t know if this is true but I hope it is, I’ve heard it from a few reports, when we went up to get our awards apparently Clint Eastwood turned to someone that he was with and went, (Clint impression) ‘Who the f**k are they?’