Tina Fey

The only way I could get comfortable around people was to make them laugh. I was an obedient girl, and humor was my one form of rebellion.

I like to write about women, not so much about the way they relate to men, but about the way they relate to each other.

I would not trade any of these features for anybody else’s. I wouldn’t trade the small thin-lipped mouth that makes me resemble my nephew. I wouldn’t even trade the acne scar on my right cheek, because that recurring zit spent more time with me in college than any boy ever did.

I was a little excited but mostly blorft. ‘Blorft’ is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.’ I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.

Please welcome the woman I have been assigned to mentor – Lindsay Lohan.

I’m not that good looking… nobody is that good looking. I have seen a lot of movie stars, and maybe four are amazing looking. The rest have a team of gay guys who make it happen.

Hate a liar more than I hate thief. A thief is only after my salary a liar is after my reality.

It would be great to see somebody like Kid Rock kissing a man. But I’m sure that he wouldn’t like the prospect of it put to him, and I won’t even go there with Eminem.

As Ralph’s character begins to discover the political thriller aspect of the film, he falls deeper in love with his wife, so the two run together. That’s the beauty of this film. It has fast pace and excitement, but it also has heart and soul.

While making Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde, I had like 50 outfit changes. It was great! I’m real into the whole “girlie” thing, it was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed it.

When you go to Marvel, they lock you in a room with the scripts; they really are that secretive.

A rivalry doesn’t happen in one or two races or in one year. It happens over a period of time to really get a rivalry going. We race together three or four races and get to beating on each other, that’s not a rivalry, that’s just a happening. You do that four or fives years, that’s a rivalry.

The weird thing is, when Darrell Hammond or Will Ferrell or Dana Carvey did an impersonation of a president, no one assumed it was personal, but because Sarah Palin and I are both women and people think women are meaner to each other, everyone assumed it was personal.

The music industry is a strange combination of having real and intangible assets: pop bands are brand names in themselves, and at a given stage in their careers their name alone can practically gaurantee hit records.

Mean girls are always going to exist, and you can’t fight them. Don’t lose yourself in going along with them just to hide, because you won’t feel good about that either. But there are people like you out there, trust me. When I was in school, I felt like I was the only one, and I got to college, and a whole new world opened up for me, and I’ve never, ever felt that way again. I did theater outside of school, and I think that was my salvation as well. I found people that had the same interests and respected each other. It exists, and keep trying to find it, because it’s worth it not to succomb.

If I went out in killer heels and full makeup, blow dry, the whole thing – anyone dressed up like that could be intimidating to men and women, really. It’s so, look at me. Do you know what I mean? But I love women.

I used to always feel awkward around a lot of rappers. Other people came from hustling and all that. Sometimes it was harder to relate. People would look down on me for the way I dressed, because my raps weren’t really that good – it was like, ‘Just shut up and do beats.’

Denver’s pretty quick. They couldn’t keep up with him in the open field.

If you are someone, you know, with fame, whatever amount, it’s good to be married to someone who’s not impressed with that at all.

What good are fans? You can’t eat applause for breakfast. You can’t sleep with it.

I must say, as a point of pride, that I didn’t get the job because I was a woman. I got the job because Amy Poehler moved to New York with the Upright Citizens Brigade and I was the next best thing.