Tina Fey

Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.

I dreamed of being an actress when I was a little kid because you don’t know then that the writer writes everything the actor is saying. But as I got older, I got into college and became more aware that writing is another option, and I started getting into it, too.

Gravity is nominated for best film. It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.

Someone once said that to make a regular person laugh, you need to dress a guy up like an old lady and push him down the stairs. To make a comedy writer laugh, you have to push a real old lady down the stairs. I don’t know who that’s attributed to. I think it’s Aristophanes. Or Catherine the Great.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am all about money. I mean, just look how well my line of zodiac-inspired toe rings and homeopathic children’s medications are selling on Home Shopping Network.

They made a porn movie about Sarah Palin, and the same actress, Lisa Ann, played me in the porn version of 30 Rock. Weirdly, of the three of us, Lisa Ann knows the most about foreign policy.

I have cellulite. I have stretch marks. I feel intimidated by Victoria’s Secret. Hollywood is one of those endless competitions, but it’s like running a race toward nothing. There’s no winning. You’re never going to win the pretty race. I just want to be the best version of myself that I can be.

I want to spend time with Oprah, and I don’t know what I need to do to make that happen.

Do you know how many women get systematically blackballed out of their positions in an office building and can’t fight back?

When you’re on your fifth album, you are going to be judged against all your previous work and expectations.

Student debt is like HPV – if you go to college, you are most likely to get it, and it will follow you for the rest of your life.

The problem is, I don’t think I’ve got too much to offer at the minute. I’m busy working on myself. This sounds like real therapy talk, but it’s like, you’ve got to be happy with yourself before you can go out and get yourself a girl.

Any time that people think enough of you to put up something that’s everlasting is only going to make you feel good.

I’m very outspoken. I will ask a silly question, but I really am deadly serious. I want to know the answer.

I wanna sing about something that’s sexy and edgy.

[On how she handles people who disagree with her] I’ve learned the art of ignoring people. When people give you some piece of direction you don’t like, you just nod and ignore it. Just don’t do it! Most people want to be heard and acknowledged, anyway. Just do what you want to do.

There’s not a lot of towns that I can go to and take family – too many incongruous knocks on doors – “Hello, honey. Have you missed me?”

I don’t see what the point is in growing up.

The only thing that I’m scared of is not livin’ up to the expectations of Dr. Dre and Eminem.

When in trouble, take a bath and wash your hair.

I don’t take myself that seriously. I’ve just had a good, big life. It’s a big one.