Fats Waller

I love you, yes I do, I love you. If you break my heart I’ll die. So be sure it’s true when you say I love you It’s a sin to tell a lie.

This is so nice, it must be illegal.

If you don’t know what it is, don’t mess with it.

A little bit independent in your walk. A little bit independent in your talk. There’s nothing like you in Paris or New York. You’re awfully easy on the eyes.

Take it easy, be a sport. Just remeber life is short.

No one to talk with, all by myself. No one to walk with, but I’m happy on the shelf.

Okra is the closest thing to nylon I’ve ever eaten. It’s like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.

Florida, just because you’re shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn’t mean you have to act that way.

They’re talking about partial nuclear disarmament, which is also like talking about partial circumcision- you either go all the way or forget it.

President Bush gave a rousing speech to the United Nations General Assembly. Afterward, in a touching show of support, every foreign dignitary shook hands with the president and smiled warmly as he mispronounced their names.

The mall is my life.

[on drumming] There’s something rather nice about spending the evening hitting things.

Lots of people who complained about us receiving the MBE received theirs for heroism in the war –for killing people. We received ours for entertaining other people. I’d say we deserve ours more.

I’m tryna stay way away from her. It comes from experience, Im at a point in my life where I feel like Ive done that. At some point you cant drown yourself in that, you have to grow. If I ran into a chick like Kat Stacks I would know what it was.

I didn’t miss out on a family life because of racing. I had one because of it.

I believe ‘ye’ is the most commonly used word in the Bible, and in the Bible it means ‘you’.

[on accepting his CBE] I owe everything to the musicians I work with. From the UK to Africa to Tennessee, it is their brilliance that I bounce off. Alone I’m nothing.

I wanna sing about something that’s sexy and edgy.

I have talked to Debbie Hammond quite a bit, Jim Hammond’s wife, his widow. I’ve seen their kids. And last time we played Dallas, a lot of them came over. It’s hard for them to come see the show. It’s still hard.

Remember-the only place men want depth in their women is in her décolletage.

There is no one of-woman-born who does not like Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar and a socialist.