Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. (The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.)
The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right.
To succeed in life, you need to things: ignorance and confidence.
What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.
It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.
In statesmanship get the formalities right, never mind about the moralities.
Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.
What, then, is the true Gospel of consistency? Change. Who is the really consistent man? The man who changes. Since change is the law of his being, he cannot be consistent if he stick in a rut.
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them.
A person who won’t read has no advantage over one who can’t read.
A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
Where a blood relation sobs, an intimate friend should choke up, a distant acquaintance should sigh, a stranger should merely fumble sympathetically with his handkerchief.
Everything has its limit – iron ore cannot be educated into gold.
If you don’t like the weather in New England, just wait a few minutes.
The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.
Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
Why was the human race created? Or at least why wasn’t something creditable created in place of it? God had His opportunity. He could have made a reputation. But no, He must commit this grotesque folly – a lark which must have cost Him a regret or two when He came to think it over and observe effects.
Peace by persuasion has a pleasant sound, but I think we should not be able to work it. We should have to tame the human race first, and history seems to show that that cannot be done.
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