Mark Twain

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

True irreverence is disrespect for another man’s god.

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

It is difference of opinion that makes horse races.

The cat, having sat upon a hot stove lid, will not sit upon a hot stove lid again. But he won’t sit upon a cold stove lid, either.

If there were no God, it would be necessary to invent him.

We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills;we shall never surrender.

No man is much regarded by the rest of the world. He that considers how little he dwells upon the condition of others, will learn how little the attention of others is attracted by himself. While we see multitudes passing before us, of whom perhaps not one appears to deserve our notice or excites our sympathy, we should remember, that we likewise are lost in the same throng, that the eye which happens to glance upon us is turned in a moment on him that follows us, and that the utmost which we can reasonably hope or fear is to fill a vacant hour with prattle, and be forgotten.

Sad people dislike the happy, and the happy the sad; the quick thinking the sedate, and the careless the busy and industrious.

No verse can give pleasure for long, nor last, that is written by drinkers of water.

First and foremost, it’s going to be treat others with respect. Be polite: Manners go a long way. Try to come from a good place. And aside from that, stay focused and do the right thing.

He is armed without who is innocent within, be this thy screen, and this thy wall of brass.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

We’re comic. We’re all comics. We live in a comic time. And the worse it gets the more comic we are.

Every fact is related on one side to sensation, and, on the other, to morals. The game of thought is, on the appearance of one of these two sides, to find the other; given the upper, to find the under side.

We have not all had the good fortune to be ladies. We have not all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast works down to the babies, we stand on common ground.

This is the ultimate end of man, to find the One which is in him; which is his truth, which is his soul; the key with which he opens the gate of the spiritual life, the heavenly kingdom.

The pencil of the Holy Ghost hath labored more in describing the afflictions of Job than the felicities of Solomon.

I think that we may safely trust a good deal more than we do. We may waive just so much care of ourselves as we honestly bestow elsewhere.

Beauty is the pilot of the young soul.