Mark Twain

The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of ungraceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying.

Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught.

Nations do not think, they only feel. They get their feelings at second hand through their temperaments, not their brains. A nation can be brought – by force of circumstances, not argument – to reconcile itself to any kind of government or religion that can be devised; in time it will fit itself to the required conditions; later it will prefer them and will fiercely fight for them.

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.

Why was the human race created? Or at least why wasn’t something creditable created in place of it? God had His opportunity. He could have made a reputation. But no, He must commit this grotesque folly – a lark which must have cost Him a regret or two when He came to think it over and observe effects.

There is always a best way of doing everything.

When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.

Our moments of inspiration are not lost though we have no particular poem to show for them; for those experiences have left an indelible impression, and we are ever and anon reminded of them.

The rain comes and what bends will rise. It is a purposeful journey.

Only trust theyself, and another shall noet betray thee

Nothing is real.

One gains universal applause who mingles the useful with the agreeable, at once delighting and instructing the reader.

The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail.

If a man will kick a fact out of the window, when he comes back he finds it again in the chimney corner.

While grief is fresh, every attempt to divert only irritates. You must wait till grief be digested, and then amusement will dissipate the remains of it.

Looking? Found someone you have, eh?

Think not those faithful who praise all thy words and actions, but those who kindly reprove thy faults.

As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep and never to refrain when awake.

Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit.