Mark Twain

Temperate temperance is best; intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance.

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.

From his cradle to his grave a man never does a single thing which has any FIRST AND FOREMOST object but one – to secure peace of mind, spiritual comfort, for HIMSELF.

I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

Put all your eggs in one basket and then watch that basket.

Thou shalt not commit adultry is a command which makes no distinction between the following persons. They are all required to obey it: children at birth. Children in the cradle. School children. Youths and maidens. Fresh adults. Older ones. Men and women of 40. Of 50. Of 60. Of 70. Of 80. Of 100. The command does not distribute its burden equally, and cannot. It is not hard upon the three sets of children.

Jesus tapped me on the shoulder and said, Bob, why are you resisting me? I said, I’m not resisting you! He said, You gonna follow me? I said, I’ve never thought about that before! He said, When you’re not following me, you’re resisting me.

Let go over a cliff, die completely, and then come back to life – after that you cannot be deceived.

Remembering a wrong is like carrying a burden on the mind.

I’m essentially agnostic. I don’t have a problem with God. I have a problem with religion. I’ve chosen to live my life without the certainties of religious faith. I think they’re dangerous. Music is something that gives my life value and spiritual solace.

All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian, or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit.

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.

Our God is a forgiving God.

I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now? Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.

Jesus was all right, but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It’s them twisting it that ruins it for me.

The Bible does not need advertising by me, but I wish more people could be persuaded to read it. Perhaps if they had been, we should not have this war on our hands. For greed and idleness brought it on.

God has no religion.

Children, Fear God; that is to say, have an holy awe upon your minds to avoid that which is evil, and a strict care to embrace and do that which is good.

It was the schoolboy who said, Faith is believing what you know ain’t so.

What is faith but a kind of betting or speculation after all? It should be, I bet that my Redeemer liveth.