Tina Fey

By the time you are in your 40s, what you want to wear and what you think is sexy is not always, like, for another person. It’s what makes you feel good.

I like to write about women, not so much about the way they relate to men, but about the way they relate to each other.

When humor works, it works because it’s clarifying what people already feel. It has to come from someplace real.

The show doesn’t go on because it’s ready; it goes on because it’s 11:30.

The Washington State Supreme Court on Thursday announced a two year suspension for a lawyer caught having jailhouse sex with a triple murder defendant she was representing. Haha! Jokes on you, dummies…I’m not really a lawyer.

The only way I could get comfortable around people was to make them laugh. I was an obedient girl, and humor was my one form of rebellion. I used comedy to deflect. Like, ‘Hey, check out my zit!’ – you know, making fun of yourself before someone else has a chance to.

I’m quite obviously not the world’s most handsome man – I’m the second world’s most handsome man!

Music is for every single person that walks the planet.

Remember-the only place men want depth in their women is in her décolletage.

Sometimes I think, ‘To hell with acting,’ and then I realize I could be working at a shoe shop, acting is much cooler.

I like to audition for good projects because if it’s a good project, it’s an opportunity to get in front of a casting director.

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

If you really love someone, you shouldn’t have to work at it. You finish each others’ sentences and have the same sense of humor.

I also went to art school and learned to play a piano there, but I play by ear.

To rock isn’t necessarily to cavort.

I’ve changed so much. I’m not nearly as cocky as I was, I was a real prat for the first month. I didn’t talk to anyone. I just drank coffee and told everyone I was 24 and this famous theatre actor just back from South Africa.

But I love to entertain. My vocation is to accrue all these experiences, to write about them, to get them out of my system, to not get sick, and then to share them publicly.

This is what I tell young women who ask me for career advice. People are going to try to trick you. To make you feel that you are in competition with one another. “You’re up for a promotion. If they go for a woman, it’ll be between you and Barbara.” Don’t be fooled. You’re not in competition with other women. You’re in competition with everyone.

I couldn’t have asked for a better target than Trump

The crime rates among immigrants once [in the United States] are in relatively tiny digits, which is something Donald Trump should frankly understand given that he has ten of them attached to his miniscule wrists.

I didn’t get on TV until I was 30, which is really fortunate because you are who you are at that point.