Robert Plant

I used to be better looking than this.

[On encountering the music of Umm Kulthum] I was intrigued by the scales, initially, and obviously the vocal work. The way she sang, the way she could hold a note, you could feel the tension, you could tell that everybody, the whole orchestra, would hold a note until she wanted to change.

Music means communication to me. I say ‘listen you people out there, listen to my music, let’s be one.’ Music is a friend to me when I am lonely, when I am blue. You can’t define music ’cause music is cosmos and it knows no barrier or definition. You have to feel music to dig it

No matter what we say, entertainers are usually quite insecure, wobbly characters underneath, and maybe that bit of glory or that bit of expression or whatever it is compensates in some area.

When I was a kid I used to hide behind the curtains at home at Christmas and I used to try and be Elvis. There was a certain ambience between the curtains and the French windows, there was a certain sound there for a ten-year-old. That was all the ambience I got at ten years old…I think!

How can you consider flower power outdated? The essence of my lyrics is the desire for peace and harmony. That’s all anyone has ever wanted. How could it become outdated?

I don’t take myself that seriously. I’ve just had a good, big life. It’s a big one.

[On singing in Walk the Line] The director came to us and he said “No, I really want you guys to learn to sing. To learn to play instruments and I want you to record an album”. and that is what… and I just absolutely was just gob-smacked and I said .. “I don’t know. I can’t do that.” And he said “Well I want you to try.” Now that’s the thing for me. If someone asks me to try, I will always try.

Cotton Owens was leading and daddy was second. They came up on me and I moved over to let them pass. Cotton went on, but daddy bumped me in the rear and my car went right into the wall.

I think the world has too many actresses.

If guys don’t respect themselves, they don’t respect other people. That’s times and personalities. And all of them are not that way. But it don’t take but one or two to screw up the whole crowd.

The suit-and-tie job is very nice, but it’s not really who I am in my heart.

In the last series, we set up a church [to expose televangelists and the ease of avoiding tax through establishing a religious organisation]. It took a lot of legal advice and months of gathering correspondence with one pastor. In terms of the UK, I’m not sure what the Inland Revenue’s position on churches is. The IRS is very much of the opinion that all churches, whatever their form, operate tax free. How would I make sense of what we achieved? We achieved nothing! We achieved $70,000 in single [donations], a four-foot wooden penis and five vials of human sperm. Although a lot of people would consider that a decent year’s work, I suppose. It’s a pretty impressive room full of tat.

One of my theories is that men love with their eyes; women love with their ears.

You can never say you’re big – I don’t think you can ever take anything like that for granted.

My role in society, or any artist’s or poet’s role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all.

This is what I’ve learned about women: A guy’s walking down the street and he kicks a Coke can, and out comes a genie, and the genie says: “I will grant you one wish.” The guy says, “I don’t need anything. I’m happy. I play tennis. I sing in a rock group. But there is just one thing. I want to go to Florida and I hate flying. Can you build me a bridge from London to Miami?” And the genie scratches his head and says, “I don’t think I can do that. That’s a bit too much.” So the guy says, “Wait a minute: women. Can you explain the ways of a woman’s mind?” And the genie looks at him and says, “About that bridge. Do you want a handrail and lights?” It’s a handrail and lights, man. Whenever there’s trouble with women we all go, “Just give me the bridge.” It’s much easier.

Dictionary.com defines ‘Amy Poehler’ as ‘results not found. I take that as a testament to your uniqueness.’

When I do eventually drop, I pray to God that it’ll happen in one of three ways. Firstly, on stage or leaving the stage, then secondly in my sleep. And the third way? You’ll have to figure that out for yourself!

When I started on ‘Saturday Night Live,’ I had the choice of wearing contact lenses, which I had never worn before, or glasses, in order to be able to read the cue cards.

My dream job is being a pianist.