Tina Fey

Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? I’m not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I’m just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I’d like to cut your chest open. The crowd cheers.

If you want to be a screenwriter, take an acting class to get a sense of what you’re asking actors to do. Learning other skills will help you communicate with people and respect what they do.

I was wearing my best gap turtleneck and my dates were two adult lesbians. So yea, I was pretty cool.

After college, I knew I wanted to work in comedy, so the first thing I did was go to where the comedy was. I moved from Charlottesville to Chicago, because that’s where The Second City and Improv Olympics are. You have to go wherever you need to go to study what interests you.

Sometimes people expect that I’m going to be tough. It’s not a bad situation. People treat you better. People are on time.

I was a mostly happy child, though I had a pretty rough puberty. Growing up as a girl is always traumatizing, especially when you have the deadly combination of greasy skin and getting your boobs at ten. But I think it’s good to grow up that way. It builds character.

Everyone has these two visions when they hold their child for the first time. The first is your child as an adult saying ‘I want to thank the Nobel Committee for this award.’ The other is ‘You want fries with that?’

I was rapping as a hobby. It was something I did for my friends and just played around on ideas and stuff like that.

I personally really like getting a proper album with artwork and everything.

If you were to really look at it, the boys are still getting more money for a lot of garbage, while the ladies are hustling and doing amazing work for less.

I’m a weirdo. I don’t leave the house unless I have to.

But I have to be careful not to let the world dazzle me so much that I forget that I’m a husband and a father.

I’m probably the furthest from being romantic that you’ve ever seen; I’m not even close to being romantic in any way until I have to be.

I can’t believe we’ve got away with becoming this huge band. And we still haven’t done anything I think is that good yet.

Freddie will have been dead for 20 years in November. I was staggered because it doesn’t seem possible that all that time has passed and I still miss him. He was my best friend, my best man. We shared so much and I owe so much to him.

Does anyone remember laughter?

Acting is really about showing up that day and telling the writers what you feel like saying.

[whether he thought he was a sexy man-beast] I wouldn’t be able to say. I don’t think I’m much of one. It’s funny, it is the secret to any guy – if people find him unattractive or whatever you just get Stephenie Meyer to tell the world, to put on her Web site that this guy is now attractive and everybody changes their minds.

I’m a sucker for those sweeping love stories. When I read the script (The Notebook), I couldn’t stop crying! I just had such a powerful, instantaneous reaction – it was written so well.

I get most of my news from the Jon Stewart Daily Show. It’s the most level commentary you can find. You have to laugh, because it’s all so true. It’s the closest thing to a counterculture.

The memories of a man in his old age, are the deeds of a man in his prime.