Tina Fey

The difference between male comedy writers and female comedy writers is that the male ones are taller and weigh more.

I am extremely square and obedient in nature!

I didn’t get on TV until I was 30, which is really fortunate because you are who you are at that point.

I like to write about women, not so much about the way they relate to men, but about the way they relate to each other.

When I started on ‘Saturday Night Live,’ I had the choice of wearing contact lenses, which I had never worn before, or glasses, in order to be able to read the cue cards.

When I was really young, I loved the movie ‘White Christmas’ – I still do – and I thought Rosemary Clooney was so pretty. When I was, like, nine, I would tell people, ‘You know who I kind of look like? Rosemary Clooney.’

All my favorite stars, my family and my friends are here. I’m having the happiest birthday that an 18-year-old girl could ever have.

Guys act strange around me. I swear I don’t know why!

[on Brad Pitt] I don’t know… I guess…. he’s a nice person and a GOOD kisser!

I just LOVE lip gloss! It doesn’t matter if it’s $2 or $30.

To play June, I had an immediate connect with her background and culture. We grew up with the same religion and shared a lot of the same values of family and spirituality. But I was really so inspired by what a modern woman she was.

Shaving your head is so empowering. You don’t need hair to be beautiful. You are beautiful with or without. I learnt that too.

I don’t enjoy any kind of danger or volatility. I don’t have that kind of ‘I love the bad guys’ thing. No, no thank you. I like nice people.

[to troops in Iraq] I’m looking at a group of heavily armed people here. I’m telling myself ‘if you’re not funny, it’s a problem’

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.

We’re still trying to break records on the twentieth anniversary of Live Aid. I’ve just heard Bob Geldof has put Phil Collins on a jet to Philadelphia. There’s nothing going on there, we just don’t want him around this year. No I’m joking, of course we didn’t put him on a jet. We stuck him in a catapult. To be fair, he didn’t get very far. Although it worked in rehearsals when we used it on Chris De Burgh. I could do a whole routine about injuring Phil f**king Collins.

I don’t particularly tell my guys to cheat. I just tell them not to get caught.

No one leaves voicemails anymore they just text now so it’s a different time.

I get more people approaching me about how good I was in ‘Napoleon Dynamite’ than being in Coldplay.

I can’t tell you an answer to that (question on the meaning of life). I can just say live it, be kind, do your best, don’t hurt anybody, and don’t fake orgasms. From a man’s viewpoint, that’s pretty impossible.

We were out of work actors who played a lot of video games, so we were sort of surprised that Swingers was seen as cool. I think any cool in it was a geekiness, an awkwardness that most people can relate to.