Robin Williams

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He’s like ‘We have to get rid of dictators,’ but he’s pretty much one himself.

Everyone has these two visions when they hold their child for the first time. The first is your child as an adult saying ‘I want to thank the Nobel Committee for this award.’ The other is ‘You want fries with that?’

Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.

Ballet: Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.

Cocaine is God’s way of saying that you’re making too much money.

They’re talking about partial nuclear disarmament, which is also like talking about partial circumcision- you either go all the way or forget it.

When you cannot get a compliment in any other way pay yourself one.

The greatest glory in living lies in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing, he knew nobody had said it before.

These times of ours are serious and full of calamity, but all times are essentially alike. As soon as there is life there is danger.

I hate mankind, for I think of myself as one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.

Some are so very studious of learning what was done by the ancients that they know not how to live with the moderns.

The camera can represent flesh so superbly that, if I dared, I would never photograph a figure without asking that figure to take its clothes off.

Self-sacrifice enables us to sacrifice other people without blushing.

Let us be grateful to the mirror for revealing to us our appearance only.

Its proper use is to amuse the idle, and relax the studious, and dilute the full meals of those who cannot use exercise, and will not use abstinence.

My favorite nightcap, after all this time, is still the cocktail of you.

Let us read, and let us dance; these two amusements will never do any harm to the world.

Miracles, in the sense of phenomena we cannot explain, surround us on every hand: life itself is the miracle of miracles.

Reminiscences make one feel so deliciously aged and sad.

The only guide to man is his conscience; the only shield to his memory is the rectitude and sincerity of his actions. It is very imprudent to walk through life without this shield, because we are so often mocked by the failure of our hopes and the upsetting of our calculations; but with this shield, however the fates may play, we march always in the ranks of honor.