Mark Twain

There is no distinctly American criminal class – except Congress.

We have not the reverent feeling for the rainbow that a savage has, because we know how it is made. We have lost as much as we gained by prying into that matter.

I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious – except he purposely shut the eyes of his mind and keep them shut by force.

Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime.

What do we call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, forgiveness? Different results of the master impulse, the necessity of securing one’s self-approval.

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

Wealth is the product of a man’s ability to think.

I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.

Trouble with the world today is people don’t go to children enough. I don’t like old people. I stay away from them.

Life experiences, mental illness, drugs, greed, environment, and poor role-modeling can all forge damaged people and can generate a darkness, an exploitiveness, in the way they approach life. Whatever their genesis, there are people in your life (and mine) who will hurt you if you let them.

Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.

Every man is entitled to make a darn fool of himself at least once in a lifetime.’ -Regarding Great War Peace Ship

Love in your heart wasn’t put there to stay, Love isn’t love ’til you give it away!

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspision that he is trying to be funny.

I don’t necessarily agree with everything I say.

It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.

You must demand nothing less than the best of yourself and for yourself. You must tell yourself that it is not wrong to want it all.

It’s just a matter of managing expectations. So for me, for example, you know, when your husband is President of the United States and you have children, something has got to give. I’ve made compromises in my life and my career, but I’ve also, in exchange, gained a wonderful platform to do some great work.

I have 100 percent Bronx pride like it’s a country like I AM the Bronx.

Through our eyes, the universe is perceiving itself. Through our ears, the universe is listening to its harmonies. We are the witnesses through which the universe becomes conscious of its glory, of its magnificence.